Selah

Sometimes your hardest “no” is a best “yes” to an endless amount of other great opportunities.

Hello, my happy blog readers!

I am currently on day 4 of spring break, and enjoying every moment relaxing and spending time with friends and family! I am so thankful for these quiet moments and times of reflection and rest.

I also want to take this time, friends, to alleviate any curiosity and hopefully put to rest any rumors that may have been poking around concerning my plans for this upcoming school year.

Phew! Well, where do I even begin? It’s been an amazing 2.5 years of assisting and teaching at Christian Life and I have made many life-long friendships and memories as my time as a teacher [say whaaat?! I can’t believe sometimes that I get to be a teacher and be around kiddos all day- so crazy awesome]. However, as many of you know, these past 1.5 years has also been one of the most beautiful yet most difficult seasons of my life.

Long story short, after a lot of prayer and after seeking wise council, I will not be returning to teach at Christian Life for the 2017-2018 school year. And now I’d like anyone who hasn’t spoken to me directly about this decision to pause. Before reading, please eliminate the following thoughts/questions/assumptions:

• She’s probably leaving because it was a tough school year.
• She wasn’t happy with the administration.
• She doesn’t like the staff.
• She wants to teach somewhere else.
• She doesn’t want to teach anymore.
• She was let go for undisclosed reasons.
• She….. blah blah blah 😉

If any of these thoughts fluttered into your minds, I’d like you to take a breath and let. it. go. None of the above statements are true. I have grown up in this place, been challenged, found lifelong friendships, stepped out of my comfort zone, and  fulfilled my dream of becoming a teacher at this school. It’s in my blood! So please know that I love, love, love this school and the people in it. My decision to not return next year is simply a personal decision. A personal decision to have a year of Selah. 

What does that look like? What does a year of Selah even mean, Melissa Joy?

Well, I’m glad you asked! 🙂

In the Bible, the word ‘selah’ means to pause. To stop. To reflect. To Pray. In the year and a half since my dad passed, I’ve done nothing but fill my schedule, keep busy, and stay strong for my family. And in an honest moment… that’s hard. Were there too many expectations on me? No. Were people demanding of my time? No. Did people expect me to have it all together? No. But I think I did.

Let me continue by saying that my heart and passion is for people. Ohhh, how my heart is for people. I love spending my time with people, I love investing in people, I love listening to people, I love learning with people, I LOVE PEOPLE! But in my longing to love on other people and be the best teacher I can be for my kiddos, I began to forget about myself. I busied myself by making commitments to others, helping wherever there was a need for extra hands, and I said yes, yes, yes. Now, did I enjoy doing said things and did I really want to be there for these people and at these events? Absolutely! But was I running myself into the ground in the process? Probably.

As months of pushing myself this way and that, many other passions began to emerge in my life. Not only do I love people, but I love spending time with my family, I enjoy having the opportunity to slowly organize our once chaotic (and still a work in progress) household, I love spending time with, growing, and traveling with my boyfriend, I enjoy reading, reading and reading, I love spending time with my life group, I enjoy volunteering, I love learning about health and fitness and growing with my team, and I love each opportunity in front of me. But I also LOVE teaching.

Here’s where it got tricky.

In the process of praying about this upcoming year, I was torn between taking time off to pursue my other passions and opportunities with the fact that I love teaching. Did I think about the fact that the upcoming 2nd grade class was my kindergarten class? Yes (and this was so hard to swallow). I mean, I went to school for this and have a degree in education… of course I would want to stay with teaching and then fill in any extra time with my other passions, right? No, not always. Please hear me, friends… I LOVE what I do and the littles I get to spend my days with, but in doing that I wasn’t able to take the time I really needed for me to heal.

Heal.

A lot of why I am taking this year of selah is to heal. In the midst of my filled-up schedule of my full-time teaching career, expanding my business, spending time with my mom and grandma, investing in my relationship with Jordan, and so on and so forth… I honestly avoided having my time to heal. And I mean really begin to heal. In no way have I been suffering, but I know I need something to change. Losing my dad in October 2015 was hard. It was so hard. I don’t have any words to describe how I’ve really felt in this time, and I think that’s because I don’t truly know how I feel.

After the passing of my grandpa in February (my dad’s dad), it was then when I truly realized how much I had pushed my grief under the rug. I didn’t want to feel. I didn’t want to deal with my emotions. I didn’t want to explain myself to anyone. I didn’t want to apologize for my random moments of sadness or tears. I didn’t want to do any of it. It was literally reliving my dad’s death all over again. Relatives came to town. Funeral arrangements were made– the same funeral home we used for my dad, nonetheless. So the process was the same. The viewing of my grandfather the day before the funeral was the same. The burial was the same, and RIGHT next to my dad, I might add.

No. More. STOP!

…I just don’t want to feel those things anymore. I don’t want to hurt, and I don’t like who I am or what I become when I hurt.

But here’s the reality, friends. I need to feel. I need to hurt. I need to heal. I need a season of Selah.

Without trying to over-explain myself or without trying to gain your approval for my decision, I just want to ask you… Where do YOU need a Selah? Where do you need to cut back to take a breather and invest in yourself? Where do you need to give a best “NO!” in order for you to have other best “YESES”? Can you relate to me in any of the above situations I mentioned?

Friends, you need to realize that I am taking this time off to invest in me so I, in turn, can invest in what really matters to me. People. Not just people, but God’s people. Will some see it as selfish? Yes. Will some see it as giving into a weakness? Sure. Will some not agree or understand? Absolutely. But, I know that this is where God is calling me to be right now. He’s telling me to pause, rest, reflect, and trust.

I’m ready for what God has for me in this upcoming year of Selah. I’m expectant of heart change, for my eyes to be open to other opportunities, for God to stir new passions, and for God to do more than I could ever imagine on my own.

 

❤ Melissa Joy

XO

“Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you.” ~Psalm 143:8

P.S. To all my Christian Lifers, worry not! I am a Christian Life Eagle through and through… You’ll still see me co-leading summer camp this summer and substituting and tutoring in the upcoming year! ❤