Cultivating…

As I sit in my cozy bed this quiet Saturday morning, smelling the chilly fall cold that has creeped into my room, I can’t help but reflect…

Yesterday, as I watched a fallen Rockford officer’s body arrive at a local church on the news, I couldn’t help but selfishly remember and think about the day of my daddy’s funeral. As tears streamed down my face and I whispered to my mom that it reminded me of dad’s funeral, I couldn’t help the memories of that Saturday morning, over 2 years ago, flood back into my mind.

I watched the officer’s wife exit the car that was following her husband, I watched her get out, and I watched her enter the building. I wanted to see her. I wanted to see what she looked like. Was she mourning? Was she in good spirits? Oh, this must be so tough for her… So many of these thoughts came to me about this officer’s wife, and it made me think. This must have been everyone’s thoughts about my mom and my family the day they arrived a my dad’s funeral. Everyone was looking at us and looking out for us. They took care of us that day. WE were in the spotlight…?

It’s honestly so weird to think about that almost 2 years later. My family and I were the ones that everyone wanted to watch that day. Were we mourning? Were we ok? And thoughts of, “They must be so sad.” “I wonder how they will go on from here” “How will each of the kids be?” and so on. Honestly, I don’t remember much about my dad’s funeral, and yet I remember so many things. I remember walking into the foyer of City First Church, relieved that this day had finally come. It seemed like the longest 3.5 days of planning and making decisions until we were finally able to “be sad” with our loved ones together at my dad’s celebration. It felt like years leading up to this day– I almost felt like I had to hold onto my emotions until the funeral- my emotions were on pause. And yet, I didn’t ever want this day to come because it meant saying goodbye my dad and never seeing his earthly body again…

Is this really happening? Am I really walking into my home church for my dad’s funeral? It didn’t hit me until I entered the front doors of the church (I usually enter through the back on Sunday mornings) and saw my dad’s smiling face on each screen monitor of the  foyer reading, “In Memoriam.” Once again, tears flowed down my face as my family and I quietly made our way down to the front of the main auditorium where my dad lay peacefully. The slideshow with hundreds of pictures streamed, the flowers were in place, pictures and trinkets were all lined up for guests to see- it was all there. What a beautiful celebration, but once again, I didn’t want it to be real.

I smiled as hundreds of people made it through the visitation line. I remember smiling, hugging, comforting people as they were stricken with grief as well, and just feeling overwhelmed by how many people came to celebrate my dad. It was a beautiful celebration of my dad’s life, and I couldn’t be more thankful to our City First Church family for how much they did for us. I am eternally grateful for my church family ❤

…

Fast forward, 2 years later. It’s hard for me to describe all of the life change that has happened within our family since my dad’s promotion to Heaven. But what I do know is that my dad left a little bit of his heart in each of his kids and in my mom. In my last post, I talked about seeds. I felt like my dad had planted seeds in each of us and now those seeds are growing, they’re cultivating.

Having this year of Selah, has made me realize and learn so much more about myself. I’ve seen strengths pulled out of me, leadership qualities pulled out of me, and I’ve also seen my weaknesses laid out in front of me. My dad’s love for people was definitely a seed that was planted deeply inside of my heart as well. I was reminded of a strengths test that I took when I was in college (Strength’s Quest), and my top 5 strengths were all “people oriented”- Empathy, Individualism, Developer, Relator, and Learner. Woah. I was also reminded of the Myers Brigg’s Personality Test that my dad had each of us take for one of his research papers. My dad and I had the exact same result- ESFJ, The Consul. I retook this test about a month ago and I am still an ESFJ. Hmm…

I can’t help but wonder what God is CULTIVATING in me right now. I also find it amazing that I was introduced to a company called “Cultivate What Matters” (@CultivateWhatMatters) and they are all about intentional goal setting/planning. The Lord has been prompting me outside of my comfort zone, and I have found myself in more leadership roles than I ever thought possible. Please don’t hear me incorrectly and think that I am trying to “toot my own horn.” Instead, I feel like God has positioned me for such a time as this and has called something inside of me that is bigger than myself. He wants that for YOU, too.

I am currently leading a small group of women on a 28-day health journey, and I have honestly been loving EVERY minute of it. I love being able to share what I have learned, I love being able to share about my experiences, victories, and struggles, I love sharing with other women, and I love watching them succeed in their own journeys. I LOVE it. Although it may exhaust me at times, I am so grateful for the position He has given me. Am I an expert? Absolutely not. Do I know everything about health? Nope! But do I have a voice to share about what I’ve learned and what God is doing in my life? Abso-stinkin’-lutely!!

I want to challenge you to think about your own lives. What has been planted inside of YOU? What is being cultivated inside of you that you may need to tend to? What seeds are YOU planting in OTHERS?

Do I know exactly where the Lord is calling me? Not completely. But I do know that He has positioned me in this season, this family, this company, and this city for a reason. I’m just excited to see God cultivate His calling inside of me… and I know I have my dad to thank as well 🙂 Wishing he was here with us in this season, and every season. But, I know he and my Heavenly Daddy are smiling down on us every day 🙂

 

Cultivate what matters, my friends.

xo

Melissa Joy ❤

 

“Let the word of Christ dwell richly among you, in all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another through psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.”

~ Colossians 3:16 (CSB)

—

Strengths Quest: http://www.strengthsquest.com/home.aspx

Myers Briggs Personality Test: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

Cultivate What Matters: Www.CultivateWhatMatters.com